Indecision

This poem is a summary of sorts of the anguish caused by a desire to change my life completely.

I lived and worked in the British city of Manchester for a long time. At a salsa class I met a friend, a globetrotter. I asked: What’s the best country you’ve ever lived in? His answer: Turkey. He was well travelled and I was somewhat surprised by what he said. So, a holiday in Turkey was booked the following summer, and was it fantastic! Since then, an idea began to form in me, the idea that I’d like to try living in Turkey one day. The idea was firmly cemented after a subsequent visit to Istanbul, a magical city.

I took practical steps and obtained qualifications that would allow me to work in Turkey. Yet, I had doubts. And you know, when you are in doubt, all your Internet research freaks you out and confirms your worst fears. For over a year, I agonised over my move-to-Istanbul ideé fixe. Doing the maths over and over, considering money, work permits, the lot, diligently writing down the pros and cons – all led to the conclusion that it was madness, that it defied all logic. I didn’t have the guts to make the move that I so wanted to make.

Every day, I went to work in a rather unspectacular area of Manchester, and looked out of the window mentioned in the below poem.

One rainy November night, I made a list of some places where I could apply for jobs in Istanbul and sent them random emails.

Three months later, I received a reply from one of these places. There were no vacancies.

Another six months later, I received an email from the same place. They were inviting me for an interview.

Another two months later, I was offered the job.

It has been an incredible rollercoaster of just over 18 months of living and working in Istanbul. I have learnt so much and have met amazing people. Sometimes, when I leave work, I look at the company logo and I still can’t quite believe I took the plunge and it all somehow worked out.

As I consider my next chapter, I know that Istanbul and Turkey will always have a special place in my heart and I am grateful to have had the chance to live my Turkish dream 🙂

This poem is also inspired by the beautiful, hipnotic UK shipping forecast, which I, along with many others, love, and which will be the subject of a future post.

Indecision

Grey skies,
red brick.
And the clock –
serious, grim, unforgiving – tick, tick, tick.

A window.
Opportunities and new horizons,
a risk impossible to calculate
of sunny spells and scattered showers,
with fog patches and warnings of gales.
The clouds are unusually thick.
And the clock –
serious, grim, unforgiving – tick, tick, tick.

Blue skies, minarets, ferries,
spices, crowds and weary oysters sellers
in the city of the three empires,
derelict and sleek.
And the clock –
serious, grim, unforgiving – tick, tick, tick.